Seeing Red, Feeling blue, And Thinking Black 12.5.12

For anyone curious how i am doing.. i haven't left my room and i have been staring at my ceiling hating everything at this very moment of where my life is. If Your wondering how the talk went between Ms.FakeFace and my best friend. Tell you the truth i don't know.. All i do know is i will never know what was said and that frustrates me. I was hoping i would FINALLY get a answer but yet again life laughs at me and i feel stupid. I was asked why i feel stupid and here is my answer: I feel stupid for believing in something that will never happen or being able to figure it out. I feel stupid for asking my friend to defend me to find that she is acting with regret for losing the chance at maybe being best friends with Ms.FakeFace which just destroyed me more then anyone can fathom. How could she even be like that to me? After her finally seeing all this person has done to me and still be thinking about their "friendship". Please don't talk to me about your stupid friendship. I have been hurt enough thank you. She said she has to think about everything that happened and wants to keep information that involves me to herself which doesn't make any sense to me at all. Think about what? I'm sick of feeling so stupid all the goddamn time. 

I just want to lock myself away and cry.
I have no idea what is real anymore. I don't know what to do with myself and hate my life where it is at this very moment. I sure glad i don't abuse myself anymore because it wouldn't be a pretty sight. But it gets better right? WRONG.
Later on Stupid FB i saw a post about my best friend wanting to go to a event with the girls group of our old church. She promised me she wouldn't get involved with them ever again. To see post i was the most furious i have been ever at her. I then texted her asking about it to get the slowest responses from her ever and having her avoiding my answer. she finally answered that i need to trust her and she misunderstood Who the event was being held by. Why the hell didn't she just start with that? Everything just sucks right now.

If it doesn't sound like I am glad that my best friend talked to Ms.FakeFace and stood up for me I really am. I value our friendship more then anything and that she is awesome because she would do that for me. What i don't understand is i feel like nothing changed though. She also wont talk to me about it and that sucks. I wish she would talk to me. I know its probably information i don't need to know but its the closure i need. All i know is Ms.FakeFace is wrong about whatever it is and that's it. Excuse my language but FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.
Nothing in this shitty world is worth it anymore. I'm sick of everyone and everything. 
I'm sick of anyways feeling inferior to everyone.
Why can't anything in my life go right for once?

All I can do is
See Red, Feel Blue, and think Black.

12.5.12