Have you ever had the feeling of realizing how little worth you possess in this world?
Like if you disappeared tomorrow, how little people would care.
Forgettable, a loser, worthless, small, sad, lonely, and mostly confused....
These are the scary and sad thoughts i have almost every day.
I have honesty become a very depressed person again.. yet to my family and few people, They would be none the wiser.
All i can think about it how little i matter to people. I have had literally every friend leave me except for one. I'm very lucky to have her. Besides family i have little.
Like do i suck that badly to be treated so horrible?
I have a heart and soul too right?
Does anyone remember me? I'm still here...
I think deep down inside thats why i kinda hate church..
I'm just so confused and frustrated right now.
I dont want to be that person who challenges everything yet thats what i am lately...
Everything just sounds so wrong and dumb.
Like now as a women, i feel like i can never be anything to a church because of my sex and that hurts. The week prier we talked about how men should value women and how to live godly as a man. Then last week i learned women have to be a slave to a man and cant be a leader in a church because of Eve being tempted. No how to be with a guy or how to be a godly women like how the guys week discussion was. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED THAT HUGE DIFFERENCE?
I really wanted to learn about being a godly women... Not what i cant do or what i cant be because i dont sport a penis. It really hurt....
You also see these people, and everything is like nothing has changed or time has passed and you hear, "lets hangout soon".Yet your phone remains silent the whole week.... It makes my already pretty destroyed heart feel weaker.
Seriously if i didn't feel a heart beat i would surely think my heart has given out from all these years of shit. I feel like i have a hole in my chest...
I'm going through one of the most difficult times in my life where i have looked suicide in the face and no one seems to remember to care.
To the individuals at church, i would hope im still alive too. Thank you for checking in on me... not.
Besides Kenzie i have had no one text me or try to get a hold of me. I can kinda understand why they didn't, im replaceable and forgettable.
I get invited to hang out with matt once and never hear from him since... story of my life.
Im sorry im not ready to face the crappy people you decided to invite...
When am i going to not feel so empty inside?
When can i be worth something?
Am i even worth it to god anymore?
I pray multi times daily and i am trying harder with my bible yet thats only getting me so far...
when can my life start and not feel like the tinman looking for a heart, the lion looking for courage and the scarecrow looking for a brain..
