As every day passes by going slower and slower than the previous..... I hate it.
I hate feeling alone every single freaking day. My cell phone is become my greatest enemy because it is the sole proof that I have no friends or anyone that cares.
I feel like I am the annoyance in every single person's life. Im not as great as everybody else why would anyone want to talk or hang out with me. I have no interesting qualities, I'm not that fun of a person. I just suck.
I'm laughing at myself because the point of this blog was motivation to become a happier person and I'm just going in the wrong direction. I was so excited to think I had plans for New Year's to finally figure out that I was dead wrong again. Why am I am so stupid? why would anyone want to hang out with me on that night. With all the parties and the fun activities and also fun real groups of friends why would anyone spend it with little old me. I defiantly know that I will be alone the rest my life and any friendships I make in the future are mirages of what really could be.
I'm alone and it is going to say that way if I live long enough anyways.
I hate being me.
I hate being me.
I hate being me.
Me
Me
Me.
The sad part is I do truthfully feel of I wasn't around anymore no one would care. Sure people will probably disagree With what I just said yet these people are the sole reason why feel so alone and feel the way that I do.
I will always be second best everything...
I feel like I've become secondary to even my best friend.
Last week she said that we would hang out Saturday night to make up for not being to come over on Friday night because she was with a different person to find out she went to a bonfire with her group instead. The group that is hurt me in so many ways I can't even describe it and even to her too. Yet she would rather hang out with people who treat her completely like trash then the person who stood by her side this entire time.
But whatever it's my life right? Everything will never turn out the way I want it to.
I would just be forever known as the annoying person who can never make a single friend and will always be replaced with something better comes along.
I have been asked way too many times this week if I have a guy interest in my life. I've gotten to the point where I have just completely stopped trying to like people because they never ever like me back.
I always go unnoticed and forgotten.
At the age of 19 is the complete shame that I'm not dating Or have had someone in my life that I can refer to as a boyfriend.
Once again why would anyone want to like me. I'm not as pretty as my sister.
Or as my best friend says I have a "Stay away from me" vibe guys get. The vibe of I will never "do anything" Because obviously that's what our society thinks is most important about every relationship nowadays. Is completely crazy that a girl does not want To have sex with every single guy she dates and or meets.
Why can't a guy just give me the chance?
I have a person in my life that judges me on things that I have never even done or on things that are not even true.
I seriously think about it every single day and it is destroying me.
What gives this person the audacity to treat me this way. Isn't it against your "religion" to do so? You're the reason why use a judge and hate Christians. You guys all think you're so much better then everyone else and can say whatever you want to because your little god is protecting you.It makes me sad because I with out a doubt believe in God yet I get so ashamed Because of people like you. I like that my best friend hangs out with the likes of this person and does nothing about it. Even though you know it is completely wrong you don't care. Just give me the famous line of "why can't we just be friends without bringing up my personal life" And drop it like you always do. Even you know it kills me inside to the point where I want to start cutting myself again.
Why would anyone care about me at all?
It's not like Matter in the slightest to anyone.
12.28.12
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