Every Person, Deep Down, Whether They Are Willing To Admit It Or Not, Just, They Want Other People To Like Them.
I actually became a little emotional over it. I just sat there thinking of all the following:
For all those people who i wish could have accepted me.. All the friends that i have lost and are losing. All the horrible people that made high school hell for me. All the snide remarks. Terrible nicknames. The ones ignorant to how hard i had it at home. To The ones who were so much better then me to care less that my mom used to hit me and has a anger problem.
All the pain those people caused me to the point i almost did them a favor by ending my life. I just want to belong somewhere.
To have people who will be proud to announce me as their friend. People who wont play games with my fragile heart. Someone who would reach out to me like all the people i have done so to. Someone to realize how much i'm hurting. Just so much hurt in my heart. Someone who will stand up with me and fight all these battles. Someone to tell me that i'm just enough. Someone who wont easily replace me. Just to be loved.
I just want people to accept me for who i am. I want to meet people who will want to be with me, respond to my texts after a reasonable amount of time or just giving me the decency to even responding at all, without me having to ask for one.
Someone who will never blow me off regardless of how busy they are. Someone who can love me..
Someone to tell me everything will be ok and just make me feel like this life is worth living.
I want a boyfriend who likes me for me and not my body. I'm sick that is always about my breasts and my body. I want him to like me first and not be my sisters constant sloppy seconds. I want to feel beautiful... Most of all just ACCEPTANCE.
Im sick of feeling so alone all the time. Sure i have been invited out these past nights but can i truly call some of them my friends? tonight and tomorrow are with people i hardly know.. i got invited out last night with my Best Friend and Ms.BlowOff but i got terrible and couldn't go.
All of this just sounds like me being a depressed lump on the log, but i'm actually pretty emotionally decent right now but bothered by something at the moment. I'm just being honest and real.
I'M JUST SO ALONE.
Last night i decided while praying to god i would ask to be re saved and to have him hold me and heal me. I prayed for probably like 2 hours, crying the whole time. I just felt so broken, I am a shell of the old person i used to be and i feel just as fake as Ms.FakeFace. I'm not the extremely happy and always positive person i have always been. The giggly, didn't care what the world thinks, and the one who was on a bright path toward to the future. Lately i have been treading on the dark path of no return. I just have felt so worthless and i became to realize that my life is nothing and what am i even doing anymore.. I asked god to give my life a purpose and to heal me. I needed god to rescue me. I couldn't take my dizziness anymore. So after i finished praying i felt amazing last night. I even felt better today but still little yucky but i didn't sleep enough last night. So i am now going to defiantly put all my effort and try to be a Christian again. I am truly lucky to have a god who loves me so and who would save someone as worthless as I.
11.15.12
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