"I'm sick,
I'm sick of fake friends. I'm sick of people pretending to care and love you and then leaving you when you need them. I'm sick of people judging, labeling, and changing.
I'm sick of just sitting here thinking every day and night till dusk just thinking thinking and thinking.
I'm sick of being scared of losing something that was never even mine. I'm sick of crying for people who will never care. I'm sick and tired..
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired."
With my "friends" i feel like i'm sitting in a room full of people that i love, and you know what? They just don't even care that i love them and i'm hurting. They don't care whether i'm around or not. To them, i'm a another Person who can be easily replaced, just another stranger. To me, They are my closest friends, the only people i have left. A sad reality isn't it. I sit here realizing that my best friend is now getting reacquainted with this group. I can be told i'm not being left behind but in reality it is the sad truth. They talk to her every day while i hear nothing. Sure call me jealous but can i be allowed to be? I keep warning my best friend that these people hurt her to no end in the past yet she keeps bringing them into her life. I want to tell my Best Friend this:
Life is for having fun. Don't be stupid and waste it on someone who is gonna act like they hate you tomorrow. Never waste your precious time. Every person deserves to have a person who they can brag about and always want around not when its only convenient for them. Ever person deserves to have people around them who makes them smile and laugh at their worst moments. Fake friends are like shadows, they are behind you during your brightest moments, but disappear during your darkest hours. You have seen this first hand my best friend when they all left you and i stood by your side the whole way. Its your choice what your gonna do, my words obviously aren't doing anything anymore. I can't tell you what you have to do, its your life...
This message is directed at Ms. Fake face (new nickname for "friend #1") and Ms.Blow off:
You can say sorry a million times, Say you love me as much as you want, say whatever you want, say you want me around, BUT if your not going to prove that the things you say are true, then don't do anything at all. Because if you cant show it, your words mean nothing. Stop wasting my precious time. Your not worth it anymore. I don't have it in me anymore to care and or worry that it is never going be fixed. I'm already feeling sick and terrible everyday and i physically can't do it anymore. I have done my part. The ball is in your court to do something and mean it this time. If not do nothing.
Its currently raining here. I love the rain it reminds me of my best friend which today just makes me sad. I once told her the reasons why the rain reminds me of her. The rain is a beautiful thing that often isn't appreciated, But when you realize it's amazing power to bring life wherever it goes you can see the true beauty that it is. The rain is calming to listen to and when you stand in it, it completely envelops you and leaves its mark on you. My Best friend is my rain.
(Add more later tonight maybe if i feel better)
No comments:
Post a Comment