Losing friends, growing distant, and seeing your friendships start to fail in front your your eyes is a part of life. How to handle this unfortunate instance
is to learn that remembering the good times isn't a bad thing. Memories are a great tool to remind ourselves of all the good times instead of the bad.
For instance a couple nights ago my Best Friend and I were talking about her hanging out with Ms.Blowoff and Mr. Bootcamp's letters. I HATE to my hearts content that he is being selective on who hes writing to and how Ms.Blowoff thinks that he is gonna write to my Best Friend. He SHOULD write to her to apologize again and again. She deserves that.
I'm actually sad he wont write me a letter.. like when he told me i was "important" to him on the Thursday he came over to apologize to me. I sure don't feel very important and more of just forgotten. The worst part is i used to think i was under his category of important. I mean he asked me to prom and i used to hang out with him and his best friend, Just us three like all the time.
But then the "innocent" happened and i didn't pick his side and go running to him like every other person did. I am very happy with the choices i made and the side i took. I got my Best Friend out of this whole ordeal so i'm happy. I always want to be on the right side of things even if i lose friends in the process.
So while thinking about all of these things i became very depressed so i tried to remember all the happy memories i had with him.
The one that struck me the most was our Disneyland adventure. This was like.. I think 2 years ago i want to say but i'm not sure.
So myself, Mr.Bootcamp and my friend "KH" went to California Adventure. I have a huge love for Disney so this was exciting.
Well we went on at the time the new Little mermaid ride which was fun but Mr.Bootcamp completely hated it the entire time which made it even funnier. I also remember while on the tower of terror ride in where you have to watch the little video about the history of the hotel, Mr.Bootcamp decided to try to scare me after the tv "flashes off". HE scared the flying tar out of me!! It was really funny. Later that night we were walking to the "elecTRONica" event that is now some Alice in wonderland thing which is lame but anyway,
i was pretending to act all bratty and junk saying that i didn't wanna walk anymore and just whining about really stereotypical things a brat whines about. So he picks me up and puts me on his shoulders. This was a funny sight to see because one: i'm a VERY short person so me being all of the sudden really tall makes me nervous and freak out and two it was just a lot of fun. Then we went to world of color show.
We had to wait in an area before the show in a designated area according to ticket color. we had to wait for like a hour to 2 hours but the conversation we had was very interesting and hysterical. The show was amazing and we were in the "soak zone" so we were very wet by the end of the show. Us leaving the park after closing was fun too, running around like idiots, having lightsaber battles, Mr.Bootcamp jumping out of bushes scaring people was all super funny.
After thinking about that i'm in a better mood now. It makes me miss the old times but people drift apart and we got to accept that. I can still have those happy memories of that night. Just think of all the happy moments instead of the sad.
Now with telling the truth. For some reason a lot of people struggle with this and i don't understand why.
I personally will always try to tell the truth even if i know ill get screwed for it.
Today i was sitting in my room feeling terrible and dizzy, when my best friend texted me asking if i had told a certain person info regarding her and Mr.bootcamp. I Typed Yes. I did a long time ago when everything was going down. I didn't say much which is why it didn't even cross my mind to tell my best friend about this. So i send my answer feeling like the worst friend and making my insides feel worse with worry and guilt now added to the mix. I would never lie to her ever. I could have said i didn't say anything like most people would, then she would have blamed Ms.FakeFace and i would have gotten away Scott free. But that's not who i am. I tell the truth. So i waited for her response which seconds felt like hours and she responded with why? So i told her why. Then that she still loved me.
I still even now feel guilty of what i did. The only reason i spoke was i thought the certain individual knew what was going on and i really didn't tell her much.
So i'm glad i told my Best Friend the truth. I never wanted to hurt her or make her feel sad for any reason because i would be failing at the job of being a best friend and she deserves to be happy and not unhappy by my own hands.
Now to the religious struggles... yay.
I have been going back and forth whether or not to stay christian or not. In my life the people have wronged have wronged me or hurt me the most besides family have been christian. Most of the time people reflect their religion and i don't know if i want any part in it anymore. sure God may have blessed me for anything good but Satan is the cause for anything bad.. i'm not buying it anymore. NO ONE is the excuse for my flaws except for myself. Sure i may have been "tempted" to do things but its not a excuse to tell people is why i did what i did.
It is on myself and no one else. It makes you look like the biggest idiot to say,"the reason i did what i did is because Satan tempted me". Like seriously?! You did want you did because YOU wanted to.
Sure a lot of people turn to religion during the hard times like i did. BUT my life hasn't really improved rather gotten worse. Sure my dad got a job and other things, but i have lost almost everyone who is important to me and my health is not at its best.
I am now noticing only the flaws with Christianity rather then the good. I guess my "friends" helped me now gain this opinion of the religion. I still go to college groups and do church related things to hopefully fix my new opinions. I just feel everyone i used to talk to about religion has abandoned me.
Also There has just been to much drama in my life surrounding this religion. I have my Best Friend to talk to and my new college group and hopefully that will help. which is good.
But i still say its Ms.FakeFace fault why i'm struggling and wont go to her college group anymore.
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